Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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