I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
