smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
