so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
