i permit you to call me
Where is the hickey?
barbara walters just said penis...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
