I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
