a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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