I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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