I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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