You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
