Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think your dad took our porno
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
