..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
