I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
