I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
