I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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