I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
