can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
