Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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