I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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