I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
