??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
