whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
