I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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