bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
