Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
