I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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