I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
