I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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