You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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