my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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