if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
