the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
