I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
