I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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