A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
