i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
