i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
