She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
