Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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