I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
