She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
