my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
