I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
