yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
