I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
