hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
