Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And then my night got REAL pukey
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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