i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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