ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
