so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
