that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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